For many, our dating skills didn’t come naturally. And by the time we decided to improve, it was really frustrating and painful. It seemed overwhelming, exhausting, and like you have to “fake it ’til you make it.” But some of us don’t want to “fake it.” We want to be us, and find someone we like and who likes us for who we are.
One of the issues getting in your way is the mindsets you’ve been cursed with. These affect how you see life, which prevents you from getting the results you want.
In Dating Essentials, Robert Glover (author of No More Mr. Nice Guy) helps you break some of these Curses. You’ll be able to make a complete shift in how you approach Dating, Relationships, and life in general. It will help you focus on what really matters. By changing your mindset and breaking free of your Curses, you’ll be able to grind and level up without stress. And, who knows? You might even start enjoying it!
Break Your Curses
Self-Limiting Beliefs (a.k.a. Excuses)
If there’s a Boss that’s hard to beat, would you say that you don’t have the right weapons, the right armor, or the right spells, and just give up? Would you just uninstall the game and watch a movie instead? Or would you try a different strategy, and keep grinding until you get what you need to beat that level?
Your Self-Limiting Beliefs tell you the reasons why you can’t do something. And “while some of your self-limiting beliefs might indeed have some truth to them, that is not the issue. Your real problem is you will always act as if your SLBs are 100% TRUE! You might be short, bald, and live with your parents, but these realities will only become liabilities if you believe they are.” So stop letting your lack of *something* get in the way of your best life.
Attachment To Outcome
Being attached to an outcome is like expecting to never roll a 1 (Critical Failure) and/or to always roll a natural 20 (Critical Hit/Automatic Success). No matter how high your skills are, there’s always a chance to roll a 1, a 20, and everything in between.
So don’t expect EVERY person you approach to be into you. Don’t expect ALL your date invitations to be accepted. Don’t expect to ALWAYS get what you want. Just roll the dice. And accept the result. Whatever it is. Say “Yes, and…” and then move on.
You can roll again on your next turn.
Testing for Interest
How do you find Quests in RPGs? Typically, you go around talking to every single NPC. The truth is you won’t know which will have a Quest for you until you approach them and talk to them. This is the same as meeting new people to see if they’d like to join your Party.
It can be as simple as finding out if the barista is interested in having a quick chat, if your crush is interested in going for a date, sleeping with you, or even more intimate things like playing Dungeons & Dragons or Cards Against Humanity.
Your only “goal” is to find the answer to those questions. And the best part is: you ALWAYS succeed. Because you’ll either get a “yes,” or a “no.” “Yes” means they’ll join you, and you can continue Testing for Interest with something new. “No” means moving on and Testing for Interest with someone else, or trying again later (depending on the context). “Maybe” counts as “No” for practical reasons.
Yes. This means being vulnerable and expressing your desires. So just be like a Barbarian.
Overcoming Your Anxiety
You’re mortal. So is everyone else. They’re not all-knowing all-powerful all-sexy deities waiting to smite you at the first sign of weakness. Thinking like that is a recipe for disaster. The truth is we’re all flawed. And we’re all doing the best we can.
Unlearning some of the myths you believe that make you put others on a pedestal will help you treat them like an equal (a partner). Going for rejection will make you take chances you would’ve never even dreamed of. And soothing your anxiety instead of managing it will help you stop avoiding the situations that will get you great results.
Lead
If you stay in the Tavern the whole campaign, nobody will come and give you free XP, armor, weapons and loot. That would be a very boring Campaign, anyway. To get any of that, you have to get off your “but,” and go on a Quest and start grinding.
Leading is not being a dictator. Leading is inviting. Leading is coming up with a suggestion. A proposal. An idea. A plan. A Quest. It’s testing for interest with no attachment to outcome. And it’s the best way to move things forward.
The Loot
This Grimoire has lots more gold (Dwarves, I’m looking at you). The above Curses are just the ones I personally found most useful and mind-blowing. It has the kick you need to start grinding. It’s the “no more excuses” guide to get you up and grinding. If you put it into practice. The question is… will you?
What do you think about this new mindset? Do you find it helpful, scary…? Let us know! We’d love to hear what you think.
