Living an amazing life sounds like a very tall order. And it is, if you’re looking at the top of the mountain from the comfort of your couch. But remember that you should always start playing the easiest level first (or the Tutorial!) to start getting closer to the top. One achievement at a time. One XP at a time. One Quest at a time.
So start small. Start slow. And build up from there.
Start with curiosity
Part of the reason choosing a Quest feels like trying to beat the BBEG (Big Bad Evil Guy/Gal) before you’ve left the first Town, is that we often look at the map upside down. We ask ourselves “What am I passionate about?” when, the truth is, if you’ve been sitting on the couch for long enough, you’re probably only ‘passionate’ about videogames and Netflix.
Steven Kotler suggests we start with curiosity, instead. So when you’re looking for potential Quests, don’t wonder if it’s something you’re passionate about. Look for Quests that spark an “I wonder if I could eventually enjoy this.” Notice that this is not a “will enjoy,” but rather a “could eventually enjoy.” Because the truth is, when you do something for the first time, you’ll probably suck. A lot. The key is to keep sucking at it long enough to not suck anymore.
And once you don’t suck anymore… well, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you’ll start to really enjoy it. That’s when you learn that the Lonely Mountain where Smaug lives is reachable. That the Loot is just one hairy foot away. And, probably, where you’ll find Passion.
Play Solo
Yes, ultimately you want to go on Quests with a Party. But nobody likes a leech. And taking a Quest that you don’t enjoy is a recipe for disaster. Remember, this is about YOU creating YOUR great life and inviting others to join you. Depending on others to make your life interesting is needy (and leechy).
But there’s a caveat, called the “dependency paradox” in attachment theory literature: “It turns out that the ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on.” (Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller)
It’s ok (and normal) to depend on your Party (after all, that’s why you joined forces, right?). By knowing that the Healer has your back, the fighters can attack. By knowing that the Tank will keep all the enemies’ attention, Wizards can cast time-consuming spells. We all depend on each other. Dependency is why we’re in the same Party. What’s NOT ok is for your Character to stand back and watch while the Barbarian has 1 HP left and three orcs chasing him. That’s a player that will get kicked out. Or PK’d. Or looted. Or all of the above.
So bring something to the table. Give people reasons to want to hang out with you. That is something only you can do. By creating your own attractive lifestyle first, you’ll be able to find others who will be the icing to your cake.
Get. Moving.
Find something you want to explore. Start with curiosity. And although the best choice is to get out of your house, there are many online alternatives to get you started slowly. Especially since covid.
And don’t wait until you “feel like it.” Because you probably won’t. It’s your own responsibility to beat the Procrastination Dragon. Just add it to your calendar and do it. You’ll probably “feel like it” after you get started.
Just as Bilbo was reluctant but left the Shire, you can do this as well. If you need a Gandalf to give you a push, reach out to a friend to either join you or keep you accountable. And depending on your fandom, always remember to bring a towel, rope, or potatoes. Whatever works as long as you get moving.
Need some ideas? Get our get-off-your-“but” guide to help you unlock the first level of the QuestFinder Skill! Then, check out the next post in this series to add new members to your Party!
Useful Grimoires:
