Roll to Date

Dating for Nerds!

Dating

From Friends with Benefits to a Nerd Wedding

by

the Nerd Love Story of April and Scott

🔥 Dating Apps like Tinder often get a bad rep about what people there are looking for. But even if you start something with no strings attached, if you matched with the right person… you might end up having a nerd wedding with swords and the LOTR soundtrack! 🧝‍♂️

April expected to meet a jock 💪 Someone with whom she wouldn’t have much in common. Instead, she fell for a nerd. But that wasn’t what they had agreed to. After all, neither of them were looking for a serious relationship. So it wasn’t until one of them was vulnerable enough to express their feelings that things changed.

📝 Agreements (even romantic) can be changed and amended. They’re not something fixed that once set can’t be touched. It does, however, mean risking rejection. Just as confessing that you like someone, trying to change what you already agreed on carries a risk. ⚠️

Is it worth it? Up to you to decide. For April and Scott, it led to a nerd marriage. 💍

❤️ Where to meet your Player 2 organically 🎮

200+ ideas and a walkthrough to help you on your Quest!

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Links:

Steven’s Interview:
https://www.rolltodate.com/podcast/shy-meets-socially-anxious-and-going-slow/

Tim Ferris’ Dating Episode:
https://youtu.be/3zPa7b1uq4A?si=t0grWS2U1MippFaV

Socials:

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:45 All-around Nerd
  • 00:01:47 Dating Intentions on Tinder
  • 00:08:48 A Long First Date
  • 00:13:45 A Star Trek Nerd!
  • 00:21:13 From Friend with Benefits to Relationship
  • 00:27:48 A Nerd Wedding

Gamify Your Dating Anxiety

by

with Michael Berger

👻 Fear of rejection can ruin your dating life in multiple ways: you won’t start conversations, ask for a number, invite on a date, or show how you truly feel. Fortunately, you can get over it with gamification! 👾

Although many video games can teach you the Growth Mindset, you may not be applying it IRL… yet 💡 And that’s where gamification comes in: it can give you dopamine hits similar to video games, help you stay motivated, and give you positive reinforcement even if you don’t get the results you were hoping for 😬

In this interview, Michael Berger and I discuss how you can gamify your dating life to build new habits that will help you get over your fear of rejection (and many other Quests) 🧙‍♂️ This approach has one major advantage over the idea that you need “30 days of consistency to build a habit”: with this gamification, you don’t lose your progress if you stop. You. Don’t. Lose. XP 🎮

I also share my style of gamified coaching to help you get over your fears and anxieties with dating: It starts by recognizing what makes you anxious, giving it a Challenge Rating (CR score), deciding on the actions that you need to take, how much XP each action gives you, and then going out and grinding ⛏️ With a mix of gradual exposure and gamification, you’ll level up in no time! ⬆️

🧌 Because just like in video games, you shouldn’t start by fighting the BBEG at level 1. Tackling each challenge at the appropriate level will give your body and mind time to get used to it and recognize that it’s not the TPK you were expecting. Even if you can’t beat it on the first try.

🎧 So what’re you waiting for? Listen to this episode so you can start grinding to level up! 💪

❤️ Where to meet your Player 2 organically 🎮

200+ places and a walkthrough to help you on your Quest!

FREE DOWNLOAD

Guest’s Bio:

Michael Berger aka BergerGames has been a fixture inside the niche of gaming on Instagram for the last two years doing the very common work of a social media personality, but recently he has been adding aspects of his professional day-to-day job as a Licensed Social Worker into his content. 

Mike also trains other mental health professionals on how to have conversations about suicide, crisis de-escalation, and motivational interviewing.  Recently he’s been creating YouTube videos on the intersection of gaming and mental health, building courses teaching gamers how to take advantage of their psychology and “gamify their life.” And appearing on podcasts like this one.

Links:

Mike Berger’s Substack: https://mikebergergames.substack.com/

Socials:

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:26 Micael Berger’s Bio
  • 00:01:55 Video Games and Mental Health
  • 00:05:49 Growth Mindset in Video Games
  • 00:08:24 Dopamine for Habit Formation
  • 00:11:53 Gamifying your Fear of Rejection
  • 00:16:24 The Problem with 30-Day Challenges
  • 00:20:11 Exposure to Anxiety
  • 00:24:49 Facing Rejection
  • 00:28:34 Street and Gym “Approach” Examples

The TTRPG Group

by

the Nerd Love Story of Frank and Mouse

🎲 TTRPG groups can help you make friends and even find your life partner. They’re also small enough that they shouldn’t cause too much anxiety. But the trick is not to limit your interaction with the other players only to game nights. Use the group to make friends outside the paper! 📝

Please help Frank and Mouse while she fights stage 4 cancer: https://gofund.me/f86c12bd

📚 Frank and Mouse became friends through their college’s TTRPG group. Unfortunately, she was engaged at the time, so Frank decided to respect that boundary. Many years later she invited him to spend the weekend at her place. They had stayed close friends, so Frank went down to meet her. That was when Mouse took the opportunity to tell him how she felt 🫣

🤝 Making friends through a shared hobby is a great way to grow your social network, even if that hobby only involves a handful of people. In fact, TTRPGs (and many board game nights) can make it easier if you’re afraid to meet large groups or if you’re dealing with social anxiety. The focus is never on having conversations, so you can simply focus on the game if you don’t feel like talking. 😶

⏳ With time, you’ll get to know all the other players. Because that’s where the magic happens: You join a few games, meet them with no character sheets or dice, have real interactions, and build friendships 🥰 Eventually, you might fall in love with a fellow player, one of their friends or family, or even one of their friends’ friends.

🎧 Listen to this episode before you roll for initiative! 🎲

Please help Frank and Mouse while she fights stage 4 cancer: https://gofund.me/f86c12bd

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:02:18 First Impressions
  • 00:04:26 The TTRPG Group
  • 00:06:43 Becoming Friends
  • 00:08:46 A Written Confession
  • 00:13:02 Seeing the Signs
  • 00:15:42 A History of Friendship
  • 00:17:54 Shared or Separate Hobbies
  • 00:20:47 Make Friends to Find a Relationship
  • 00:23:57 Have the Right Intentions
  • 00:26:13 Leave the Container
  • 00:30:07 Avoid Being a Creep
  • 00:34:35 Alternatives to Dating Apps
  • 00:37:50 Overcoming Social Anxiety
  • 00:43:03 Support Frank’s Wife’s Treatment

Please help Frank and Mouse while she fights stage 4 cancer: https://gofund.me/f86c12bd

The Tolkien Association

by

Where to Meet Nerds, with Vir

🧝‍♂️ If you’re into Lord of the Rings and want a partner who shares your passion, start by making friends who are also into fantasy! Vir and I found long-term relationships at our local Tolkien Association, as did most of our friends there… except for very specific people who got rejected by everyone 🙄

🧓 In this episode, we reminisce about our experience meeting and dating fellow nerds with similar interests. Because while reading can be a solitary activity, it doesn’t have to be a lonely hobby. It’s just a matter of finding the right group of people with whom you can connect and build deep and meaningful relationships 📚

And that’s what you should focus on ☝️ Yes, you want to find a partner, but your main priority should be to expand your network. This way, you’ll be able to find a Player 2 without needing to go to bars, clubs, or approach random people on the street that you know nothing about 🍻

✋ However, if you focus solely on finding someone to date, you won’t fit in with this group. While people may be open to dating, it’s not a meat market. So hold your horses, have patience, and avoid the common mistakes we describe in this episode 🙅‍♂️

🎧 What’re you waiting for to give it a listen? Forth Eorlingas!

💬 Want to practice your Conversation Skills with me every month for FREE?

Sign up here!

Argentine Tolkien Association: https://www.facebook.com/groups/AsociacionTolkienArgentina/

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

Introverted Nerds on Dating Apps

by

the Nerd Love Story of Phillip and Darcy

📺 Staying in watching Naruto and eating pizza might not be everyone’s preference for a first date. But that doesn’t have to stop you from finding a Player 2!

🎖️ After serving in the military, Phillip moved to a new city full of extroverts. As an introverted nerd dealing with anxiety and starting to build a life from scratch, with no money or even a bed, Phillip was finding it challenging to date. But after some swiping, he found Darcy, a fellow introvert who even suggested staying in for their first date! 🛋️

❌ And, no. They didn’t sleep together on that first date (it was Netflix and Pizza; not Netflix and Chill). In fact, he gave her a kiss on the cheek on the 4th date! How was he not friend-zoned? He was clear from the beginning about what she could expect. And she liked him just like that. 🙌

If you think you have to change who you are to find a partner, listen to Phillip’s story!

Phillip’s links:

https://alnerdstuff.com

https://www.threads.net/@nerd_stuff_of_al

https://www.instagram.com/nerd_stuff_of_al

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.rolltodate.com/discord

💬 Practice your Conversations Skills with FREE online improv games every month… Live! https://www.rolltodate.com/improv

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:25 Intro
  • 00:01:43 Trying to Date as an Introverted Nerd
  • 00:03:25 A Nerd on Dating Apps
  • 00:05:55 Dating App Burnout
  • 00:08:45 Being True to Yourself
  • 00:11:14 Dating Expectations
  • 00:15:41 First Date with Naruto and Pizza
  • 00:17:45 How Fast to Move on Dates
  • 00:20:24 Good Communication in Dating
  • 00:28:01 Don’t Be Afraid to Be Yourself
  • 00:28:55 Contact Info

💬 To practice your Conversation Skills with me every month for FREE, go to https://www.rolltodate.com/improv

Beat the Fear of Rejection Through Your Gamer’s Journey

by

with Dr. Daniel Kaufmann

If you want to approach people, start conversations, ask for a number, or invite them on a date, one of the most useful Skills you will need is resilience. In this interview, Dr. Daniel Kaufmann shares why many of us give up before even trying, and how video games can get us closer to achieving our goals in any aspect of our lives.

Part of the Hero’s Journey idea is that we as spectators can identify with the hero of a story and gain Skills and motivation to improve our lives. Video games take this concept to another level: we are the ones winning. Without us, the avatar would sit still and go nowhere.

This also implies that both you and your avatar will gain experience and get better as time goes by. Carol Dweck calls this the Growth Mindset. For some of us, this is an in-game lesson that we can take outside the virtual world. But for others, it’s not enough to compensate for decades of the Fixed Mindset discourse. Real life just doesn’t have the same opportunities and motivations as video games… unless we gamify it.

But this is only one of the many lessons you can learn from video games. So what will you do? Will you stay in your comfort zone or will you start working toward your dating goals?

Listen now and start leveling up with your Gamer’s Journey!

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Guest Bio

Dr. Daniel Kaufmann is a YouTube Partner as Dr. Gameology, where he teaches about the many positive elements of video games that help us overcome professional and personal journeys in real life.

He is an Associate Professor who’s helped develop programs for gaming and geek therapy training in clinical settings, and his publications cover video games, personality theory, online education, and counselor development. 

Dr. Kaufmann recently published the book The Gamer’s Journey, to help you turn the themes found in many video games into life lessons that can unlock your own potential. 

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

  • 00:00:00 Intro
  • 00:00:50 Bio
  • 00:02:01 How The Gamer’s Journey Can Improve Your Life
  • 00:08:14 The Fixed and Growth Mindsets
  • 00:17:00 Fear of Rejection
  • 00:24:05 Conversation Skills
  • 00:32:20 What Gives You Motivation
  • 00:37:41 Contact Info

💬 To practice your Conversation Skills with me every month for FREE, go to https://www.rolltodate.com/improv